zoekrupka.com

This was one of the articles I submitted to Crikey while working towards my dream of being an “Agony Aunt”

The nature strip outside my home has a large tree, under which my partner and I park our cars. Sometimes we arrive home to find our neighbours’ cars there, forcing us to park in another part of the street, usually in the sun. We plan to leave a note under their wipers suggesting they park elsewhere. Is this a reasonable position to take?

A.M. Qld

I’m not much of a one for rules  A.M., but I do suspect that every time we consider leaving a note rather than speaking in person, we are leaving a few moral stones unturned. Something about the note and its one- sided conversation allows us to duck the complexity of our situation.

You may be unsure about your ownership of the shade. Does it really belong to you and your household, or is it simple luck that the large tree stands outside of your house? Are you comfortable claiming this space for yourselves alone? Does this fit with your values and how you believe we should live in community? I sense some hesitancy here. These are big questions, so it is no wonder that they are difficult to answer. Answering them for yourselves may go a long way to clarifying your question.

You also say that you feel forced to park further down the street when your neighbours park in the shade of the tree. This feels to me as if somehow you see this as a kind of territorial war in which you have only two choices; stand your ground and stake your claim or be forced into the uncomfortable sun. I think there are many other choices, and that seeing that you are free to choose any number of responses may also help you find a comfortable position.

These choices are as many and varied as the people who make them. You may choose to delight in sharing the shade, talk to your neighbours and propose a roster system, contact your local council for relevant guidelines or even remove the tree so you no longer face the pain of the heat while others enjoy the shade. You may also choose to ask yourself “When did these things become of such great importance to me?” “What does this say about how I am living and what is of meaning to me in my life?”

I wish you all the best with your dilemma A.M., and trust that you have all the resources within you to resolve it.