Craig Thomson is behaving like the one kid in the family who never really gets in trouble. The kid who’s always protected from the consequences of his actions because of the self-interest of one or both of his parents. The kid who never really has to defend himself because someone always steps in and does it for him. When this happens in a family, not only does this kid usually lack self-discipline, the rest of the family loses hope that there is any fairness or integrity in the system at all. Maintaining and exercising power becomes the only goal.
A good friend of mine is pretty unhappy with her long-term partner. He works constantly and not necessarily out of passion or necessity. He is unavailable emotionally to her and to their children and he isn’t interested in any action they might take to improve things between them. He wasn’t always this way, but for whatever reason this is how he is choosing to be now.
My friend is a strong and capable woman who has been out of the workforce and at home with three young children for over 12 years. As her partner’s behaviour has gotten worse, her desire to defend him against the criticism of her friends and her own dissatisfaction has increased. She says she doesn’t really know what’s going on for him. She says he must be having a difficult time. Or she avoids the conversation altogether.
What she is really saying is that she needs him. It’s almost impossible to hold people accountable when we need them. She has given up a measure of integrity in order to avoid a loss of power over her life as she knows it.
We often do this in relationships when we are dependent, financially or otherwise. Like Gillard, we say we’re sure everything’s fine, when what we mean is that we don’t want to know. We want things to stay the same, we fear change and we don’t want to lose power or position. We defend those close to us who are hurting us because we are really defending ourselves. If they’re not okay, then in some way we must not be okay either. Like so many of us, my friend is simply protecting her interests by ignoring the evidence.
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