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Kevin Rudd tried to convince the Labor Party to take him back last week — but the answer was a loud and resounding “no”. Julia Gillard promised her colleagues and voters that it was time to move forward and get on with the business of government. As we all know, Gillard was left with the party and Rudd was relegated to the backbench. Why were we all so engrossed by this very messy, public breakup? Is it because the dysfunctional ways in which the ALP manages its relationships reminds us of dynamics in our own lives?

Watching the recently released video of Rudd swearing behing the scenes, you can see all the hallmarks of rage; the lack of control, the cynicism, the sense of defeat before the game has even started and the incredible hopelessness.

In stark contrast, one of the main criticisms of Gillard has been her lack of emotional expression, whether it be attacks on her humanity by Mark Latham or commentary about her lack of authenticity and conviction.

Her determined restriction of public expression of personally focused emotion is a terrible foil to Rudd’s temper tantrums. Both styles are harmful in their own way and grip us as all polarities do — by engaging us in our own unresolved conflicts. We want to know how to resolve the splits in our own lives, and we’re fascinated when they’re played out for us by others.

Gillard’s litany of “moving forward” is very much a version of “build a bridge”; a response that refuses to acknowledge the pain and the origin of past wrongs. Rudd’s continual focus on the past risks leaving us stuck there forever. Neither approach positions us to deal with the present.

Most of us are familiar with this tension between honouring past hurts and letting them go. We have all been rejected and we have all rejected others. We’ve moved on too soon without explanation and we’ve stayed too long in resentment over our rejection.

The contrast magnetically draws our attention here. The family drama of quiet mum and explosive dad is one that so many of us are familiar with. We can’t help but watch with fascination as the drama of their separation and divorce unfolds.