Posts Tagged ‘relationships’


In 1971, when I was four years old, my brother died of a congenital heart condition. Writing about this experience has prompted more responses than anything else I’ve ever written or spoken about. Untold and unheard stories appear in comments sections, strangers tell me cross-culturally consistent tales in the soft corners of conference rooms and speak about the siblings they’ve lost and how present the memories of them still are in their minds and hearts.

These stories all have one thing in common: a sense of being forgotten, left out of conversations about the dead, of rituals of mourning, and excluded from the respectful circle that is drawn around the bereaved.

You can read the rest of this article in theconversation here


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IT’S beginning to look a lot like that time of year when couples fight about their families. The festive season is upon us, with all the high expectations for fun times and sacks of raised hopes of family togetherness. If the prospect of spending holiday time with your partner’s family is about as attractive as shingles, take heart, there are ways to thrive in their difficult territory. I asked one of the best family relationship specialists around, psychologist and best-selling author Harriet Lerner, to help with some tips on how to be your best self under trying festive circumstances.

You can read the rest of the article at news.com.au right here

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I am in the business of listening. Two days a week I settle into my chair in an act of mundane surrender. For the most part I am here to listen. But sitting like a slowly softening pat of butter will not do nicely. Like trying to meditate, listening is fraught with trivial and pressing distractions. I get carried off by my own concerns, the day-to-day detritus, things I’ve forgotten to do, mistakes it’s too late to repair, my knee that’s hurting again, the flash of the iPad on the desk with a message from my daughter.

Today as you talk, I feel your desperate need for an answer. Can you really leave your ageing mother, your autistic sister, and finally live on your own? I leave you as I weigh up the options on your behalf. Moving into territory that can be none of my business, waylaid from paying you attention by my own fear of your seemingly impossible situation. I must come back to you, to what you’re saying, come back to hearing you. And just as I do, your tongue slips, and instead of saying you’ll finally be able to leave when it’s your wedding day, a tired old family story, you say funeral. And we’re jolted awake, conscious, our eyes meeting, yours large and dark, mine smaller and light, that you’re dying there in that crumbling house caring for ingrates. And your decision comes closer to taking care of itself, finally fuelled by fires that have so far been hidden, unheard.

you can read the rest of this piece here John_William_Waterhouse_-_Thisbe_1909 at Meanjin.

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Studio 10

Where the gang at Studio 10 discuss my article on sleeping together in the heat.

You can find it here on tenplay


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MY BOYFRIEND is incredibly hot. A manly furnace. A living sunbeam. Stand next to him and he radiates a lovely warmth. Lovely that is, until you’re under the covers with him in January and hoping for sweet, dreamless sleep.

Maybe you know the feeling? Your partner is a toaster oven and you prefer to sleep in a room where you can see your own breath. Maybe they love the night-life and you like to hit the pillow not long after the sun goes down. Maybe they snore, gnash their teeth or speak in tongues in the wee hours. Whatever the source of your bedtime incompatibility, it can really wreak havoc with both your sleeping habits and your relationship.

And if the forecast around parts of Australia tonight is as hot as they predict, lots of us will be having the same problem and the same argument as we toss and turn in the heat.

Let’s face it, sleep is bloody important. Without enough sleep we all eventually turn into snappy sugar-craving monsters. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture because it is torture. So if you’re looking for a solution to your couple sleeping woes, make sure you remember this: Sleep must always be king.

Many years ago I had a design all picked out for my forever love bed. It would have four posters and a canopy, lots of small pillows and a bedspread with eyelet lace. It was my friend Lyn’s bed, and when I slept over at her place, after we’d finished dinner and watched The Monkees, I got to share it with her.

You can read the rest of the article here

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SEXUAL desire is a fickle beast. You can’t depend on it and you can’t tame it.

There’s no ‘normal’ when it comes to libido, there’s only your normal. So if you want to understand how lust works in your life, you’ll need to find a way to make your wild libido happy. And the best way to begin to do that is to give yourself permission to feel exactly what you’re feeling. No expectations, no pressures and no judgments.

And that may mean accepting that right now, your sexo-meter is set to ‘sloth’.

There are so many reasons why desire doesn’t come to visit. Sometimes the reasons are good, like when your downstairs gadget lets you know a tired relationship has run its course. Or when you’re somewhere on the asexual spectrum like at least 1 per cent of the population. Or when you’ve come to a point in your life where sex is no longer interesting.

These are all situations where your wild libido is letting you know the score. And you need to be brave enough to listen, if you want to avoid the misery that comes from forcing yourself to be someone you’re not into.

And sometimes lust goes on holiday because your partner has been hurtful, betrayed you or offered you so little support that even your gonads are over it. If that’s the case, then give yourself permission not to want sex for now, until you can tackle the issues together that lead to your loss of desire.


You can read the rest of the article here

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